


For the Next Two Seconds Life is Good

by Scarlett_Rogue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlett_Rogue/pseuds/Scarlett_Rogue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Weeks after teaming up with Benny, Dean finally finds Cas. With Benny's encouragement they get everything out in the open.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the Next Two Seconds Life is Good

**Author's Note:**

> Benny is very difficult to write for because we haven't seen too much dialogue from him. I got the basics down but not the more unique aspects of the character's personality, but I did my best. Hope it doesn't bother anyone.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled to no one in particular. The air was dry and he started coughing uncontrollably. He felt a sharp slap on his back and whipped around, boned knife raised, only to see Benny standing behind him raising an eyebrow at him. 

"Sorry, kid, thought you needed a hand there." Dean rolled his eyes but thanked Benny gruffly. 

"You sure that asshole was telling the truth?"

"I'm not sure of much when it comes to folks down here. Most of 'em lie just for the sake of lyin'. But it's the only lead we got."

Dean sighed and started walking, Benny keeping up with him easily. After a few hundred yards of silence, a cough alerted Dean to someone else's presence. A very human-sounding cough.

"Relax, Dean," Benny whispered. "Could be anyone. Gotta stay on your toes." Benny had been Dean's voice of reason for the last few weeks as they searched for Cas. On more than one occasion Dean had gone barreling out into a trap, fully prepared to fight but out-numbered, and Benny had been by his side, saving his ass. At any rate, they were following this lead because of Benny's skillful manipulations, and if it ended up being right Dean had nothing but gratitude for the vampire. 

Another cough sounded, this one muffled slightly, and Dean grabbed Benny's jacket and dragged him behind a tree. They stood deadly still, listening to the forest around them, and heard splashing in a nearby river. 

"Lemme look, you stay here for a second." 

Benny moved around the huge trunk of the tree and Dean stayed behind, alert, ready to jump out if Benny needed him. A hand reached around the tree without warning and yanked Dean out. Benny threw Dean forward, under a bright ray of light, his face settling into a huge smile.

"What the hell, man?!" Dean looked in the direction that Benny tilted his head and his breath caught in his throat.

_Cas_ .

He was there by the river, squatting and curled in around himself. The trench coat was absolutely filthy, ten times worst than all of Dean's clothing combined, and Dean was sure the white clothes underneath were dark gray by now. Cas had thick scruff over his face, something Dean had never seen before. It worried him more than anything else; was Cas human? Did he lose him grace when he got thrown in Purgatory? He looked so lost, like he didn't even remember how he'd gotten to that river in the first place, and Dean knew the feeling all too well.

"What are you waitin' for? Go get your boyfriend."

"He's not my-" Benny gave Dean a sideways look, as if he knew something Dean didn't know, and the human shut his mouth. His was in Purgatory, for fuck's sake. Was there any point to lying anymore? To himself, to others? 

"Go to him," Benny said softly. His smile was gone, replaced with an oddly tender expression, and Dean was profoundly glad that he had run into Benny down here. His friendship, no matter how temporary or conditional, was more than he ever expected from this place.

Dean walked out of the bright ray of light, coming toward Cas slow enough to warn him of his advance. It must have been too slow, though, because Cas' head snapped up and he didn't even give himself a chance to see who was in front of him before he threw himself in the air at Dean. Their bodies collided hard, and Dean felt the overwhelming strength behind that small frame. For a few seconds he was relieved, knowing Cas still had his grace, but relief was cast aside quickly when his back hit a tree trunk and he heard something snap. He hoped it was the tree and not him. 

Cas pinned him down and held him there, and Dean realized that Cas actually _did_ recognize him immediately. He just didn't believe it was the real Dean.

"I'm not- fuck- I'm not a shifter! It's me, Cas!"

"Yeah, I've heard _that_ before!" 

Dean's eyebrows shut up in surprise. In all the time he had been here no shifter had disguised itself as Cas in order to fool Dean, so why were they messing with Cas' head like this? Cas was pushing down on Dean, hands digging into his throat, and for a frightening second Dean thought Cas would strangle him. 

"Hey now," a voice cut in. A hand clamped over Cas' shoulder and his grip on Dean's throat loosened. "I'm all for having a good time and gettin' your kinks out there, but this is a little bit too hardcore BDSM for my taste."

Cas let go of Dean and jumped back, and Dean's heart dropped when he realized Cas had no weapons, only his fists. Cas wasn't stupid; he knew the first thing he should have done was made a weapon for himself. If he didn't do it, it wasn't because he didn't think to. It was because he didn't have time. 

And now he was outnumbered by two men who he thought were there to kill him. 

"Cas," Dean coughed out, rubbing his throat. "It's me. It really is me. I don't know what kind of shit you've been visited by, but I promise you I'm the real deal."

"And him?" Cas spat out, pointing a finger at Benny. The vampire smiled pleasantly and tipped an imaginary hat at him.

"The name's Benny. A friend of Dean's. We been lookin' for you for weeks, angel. While, I been lookin' for weeks. Dean's been tryin' to track your ass down for months now, from what I hear."

"Okay..." Cas stared from Benny to Dean and back to Benny, eyes narrowing, before turning to Dean. "Why did you come after me?"

"What?! Why the fuck do you think-"

"Just answer the damn question." Cas seemed calm on the outside but Dean could tell he was ready to vanish at any moment if they gave the wrong signs. What were the wrong signs, anyway?

"Because WInchesters don't leave a man behind, dammit." 

Cas seemed to assess this for a second before he visibly relaxed and nodded.

"Yeah, it's...it's really you, isn't it?"

"Of course it is. Now, on to the next subject-"

"Shouldn't we be gettin' outta here, Dean? You got your angel, now we need to go. No use staying here longer than necessary," Benny said.

"I know, Benny, just gimme a second here." He turned his attention back to Cas. "I need to know why you left."

"Left?" Cas couldn't look Dean in the eyes, and Dean knew this was a conversation he didn't want to have. 

"Yeah, left. As in, pulled a Houdini and vanished outta thin fuckin air, left me by myself to fend off- do you have any idea what I've had to deal with?"

"I have a bit of an idea, yes," Cas said sharply. Surprised, Dean took a few steps forward and reached out, gripped the edge of his trench coat. It was the closest he could get to intimacy at a time like this. 

"Just tell me," he said softly.

"Because," Cas took a deep breath. "Because I'm a liability. Everything in here wants me dead. Everything you've been through in the last few months I can promise you I've dealt with ten-fold. Being around you would have just brought that down on your head. I can't- I can't protect you the way I used to, Dean. I'm not strong enough anymore. I would have gotten us both killed, or _worse_ , gotten just you killed and have to feed myself to Leviathan after I go crazy from guilt."

"I don't want to hear any of that-"

"Then you shouldn't have come after me!" Cas shouted. Cas looked so lonely, so scared, and Dean wanted to wrap him up in a tight hug and tell him everything was going to be okay. "What did you think would be left of me, Dean? Do you think Purgatory somehow fixed my brain? I'm still crazy, you know. I'm just in attack mode. God, but the things that go on in my mind...The things I think about..."

"Bees?" Dean joked half-hearted.

"I wish the bees would come back," Cas said mournfully. His head slowly rose, eyes meeting Dean's, and a look of absolute shame and self-loathing hit a little too close to home for Dean. "I imagine how many ways I could kill myself if something ever happened to you."

"Cas," Dean choked out. This time, he really did yank Cas into a hug. It wasn't gentle or loving like he'd planned; it was rough and raw, the kind of hug you give a dying man when you feel like he'd only feel it if you crushed his bones to your chest. Cas didn't complain, only clung to the front of Dean's jacket and choked out an almost-human sob.

"There aren't many ways, you."

"Stop it."

"I don't have an angel blade."

"Cas, stop."

"Leviathans seem like the only option."

"Cas!" He pulled away and held Cas' face between his hands. The angel's eyes were swimming with tears just begging to fall over the edge, but he had just enough grasp on his angelic upbringing to keep them at bay. Dean could feel tears spilling over his cheeks and he didn't care. "Everything's gonna be fine, okay? We're getting out of here. Benny knows a way, and we're leaving. _Together_. We're gonna walk out of this hellhole and never look back, and you _will_ get better. I'll help you."

"Why would you do that?" Cas asked, voice breaking. 

"Because you were there for Bobby when he was broken, when all he wanted to do was put a bullet in his head, remember? And you were there for Sam. You pulled him outta hell, and despite the whole tearing his wall down, you still fixed it. You took it from him, and I know that even if it wasn't you who pulled the wall down you _still_ would've been the one to fix it. And you were there for me when all I wanted was to give in to Michael and watch the world burn around me. So now, I'm here for you."

"I thought you didn't care that I was broken," Cas reminded him.

"I've always cared. Cared a bit too much, but that's what happens when you fall in love."

Cas didn't show any surprise at this announcement and Dean was struck with a sudden realization.

"How long have you known?" He asked. Cas' lips twitched.

"Years."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I thought you were ashamed of it. I thought you didn't want to love something as awful as me."

Dean stroked Cas' face gently and brought their faces together, brushed his lips ever so gently against Cas'. The angel sighed and leaned into the touch, deepening the kiss until they had forgotten where they were. Another good reason to have Benny around.

"First the bdsm, now the PDA. Come on, kids, we gotta get this show on the rode."

Cas seemed amused by being called a kid by someone as young as Benny, but didn't say anything as he slipped his hand in Dean's and felt the Hunter grip him tight. For now, everything was okay. And maybe it was just for the next two seconds, but it was better than either men had in months, and that made everything worth it.


End file.
